opening night.  finally.  packed house. not entirely full but a good crowd
nonetheless.  why is it i can dance on stage and look like i'm having a 
great time (and maybe even mean it) but as soon as i'm in a more relaxed
setting (say a pub or club) i cringe at the people singing and dancing while
i sit and sip my well loved non-alcoholic beverage?  anyhow, i danced on stage
and smiled and it felt like a cheesy smile but it was sincere and i had the
time of my life.   all the suffering and misery of the year came to an
outstanding climax which makes me realize how much it really was worth it and
how you really do have to work for things and in the end you'll be glad you
did.  the downside of this is now my waffling on whether or not i want to
put myself through the suffering again for another year.  there is so much
to learn.  the possibilities of the universe are endless and they are all being
offered right now.  my heart is pulling me in two directions that have 
destinations 8000 miles from one another.  i don't know what the answer is.

things said tonight in the after party:

"g'day, my name's bruce."  and. he. was. completely. serious.

"xep, you've really brought something to nica that was missing.  you fill in
a gap."  "is it the wacky american gap?"  "no, that's doug.  he fills in the
wacky american gap."  "hmm.  maybe it's the homoerotic trapeze gap?"  "heeey,
that might be it!"

so there you have it.  nica has a homoerotic trapeze gap that needs to be
filled and i guess it's my job to do that.