a l o t o f s t r e s s .

very stressed.  so much.  so much that my heart is going thump thump thump.
i'm worried about money and i'm worried that i have to go back to melbourne
in 4 days but i would rather stay here.  i don't know what i would do were
i to stay though.  i miss people and they're all within 12 miles of where
i sit.  also oregon is calling my name and its pull is very very strong.
hello oregon.

so 6 months left in the southern hemisphere is i guess what i need to do.
have to finish at least part of what i've started.  it's killing my desire
for the circus.  squishing the love.  time in san francisco just passes
by without bothering to see if you're going along with it.  in some ways
i like that.  time in oregon is all about waiting for you to catch up.

i want to both disappear from the world and have it all come with me.  i
can't afford sf without a job but the thought of working a normal job with
normal hours is frightening quite a lot as well.  save me save me save me.
perhaps that is one of the biggest problems with melbourne: day in day out
same thing over and over 8:30 every morning to 5ish every afternoon and even
though it's doing the things i want to do none of it is on my own time and
i feel like i'm regressing to a point where i don't really want to be when
i follow their regime.

when i think of elly the thing i think of is her riding a kangaroo around
at omega.  boing boing boing.  also a fork, a cork, and a toothbrush have
adventures together all around the world.  this is a story that was written
in speech on the drive home from oregon yesterday.  it was a song. it rhymed.
i think i need a taperecorder.

ok.