eric says, "xep is living in a discon tent."  in writing it almost looks like
"disco n' tent"... like a little party you can set up in the middle of the
woods and dance dance dance.  but that's not how it is.  no, he says it when
i flop onto the couch and say "eric! i'm discontent!  what's wrong with me?"
and then i lie there for a few hours wondering what it is.  the discon tent
manifests itself in many ways:  isolation - not replying to email, phone calls,
or any other attempts at social interaction.  forgetting to live in the present.
the other day kelly said "how can you not be living in the present?  i hate
that phrase."  it's true.  you're alive.  it's the present.  there you are.
but the soul wanders to the past and future.  it's all about how great it will
be, how good it once was.  wanting to change something major - job, house, city,
car?  why car?  it's something to be excited about.  

so i've been living in this world.  holidays are horrible things.  they let
you see yourself again and then you have to go back to the life that is not
how you want it to be.  and then i get so mad that i'm not making it the way
i want it to be.  a culture of muse swallowing snakes.

i miss everyone.  i'm sorry i'm not good at friendships.